Satellite TV, Internet, and Radio Blog

The wealth of information available on the Internet around as seen on TV products is actually overwhelming.  No matter what anyone says, this is clearly an effective way of marketing some products.  Now, I have put together my personal list of the worst as seen on TV products but this list comes from actual personal experience.  You see I am absolutely 100% a total sucker for fitness products (even though I am actually not out of shape).  I go to the gym every day and yet over the years I have bought just about every pill, juice, or fitness machine that I have seen on late night TV.  I have no reasonable explanation for this, but based on my assessment these are the 10 worst as seen on TV products that I have purchased:

  1. Slamman – This product is my #1 worst fitness product purchased.  Mainly because like most home fitness products I used it for two weeks and then it started to collect dust.  The worst part about this one is that it scares the hell out of me every time I walk into the room.  Beating on this object is A LOT less fun than I originally thought it was going to be.

  2. AB DOER – This is an abdominal exercise “machine” created by John Abdo and sold to millions of us suckers out there.  So this little guy promised in just minutes a day to get rid of your love handles and to massage your back at the same time.  Well, that didn’t happen.  In addition, the creaking noises that this machine makes will drive almost anyone crazy.  This thing is simply terrible.  You are much better off getting on the floor and doing some crunches.

  3. Cardio Cruiser – Body By Jake got me 100% sold that this exercise machine would be the one that would do it all and let me finally get rid of my gym membership.  What was I thinking?  This one is nothing like an elliptical machine and offers so little resistance that it simply is just a total waste of time.  It is now been demoted and is living in my storage unit along with all of the other crap that for some reason I won’t throw away or donate.

  4. Nordic Track – Another “total” body workout but this one came with an extra bonus in that it was incredibly expensive (but I was worth it right? Wrong!).  This was actually a lot harder to master than it looked and to be honest with you I’m not sure I ever did it right.  This thing is HUGE!  If you don’t have a room that you can spare to contain this beast then forget about it.  Otherwise it’s generally well constructed (as it should be).  Eventually though I had to give this away just to reclaim a room (plus there was no chance I was moving that to my next house).

  5. Thigh Master – Okay stop laughing!  First of all this is an oldie from the 80’s but one that was absolutely my first garbage fitness product.  Unlike the Nordic Track though this is really small.  Basically you put this thing between your legs and squeeze and you get great thighs.  My first mistake… I don’t even WANT great thighs!  I actually still have this novelty item in my garage and I can tell you it ages VERY well and is still just as useless.

  6. Gazelle Edge – I mean Tony Little pitched this thing perfectly and as you can see I love the total body workout promises.  This one is smaller than the Nordic Track but it’s just as uncomfortable and difficult to master.  I’m not sure I have ever been on a machine that made me feel more stupid instantly for having purchased it.  I mean this was not my best moment when I let Tony Little convince me that I COULD DO IT!

  7. Tony Little Ab Workouts – Haha, oh this millionaire, crazy, long-haired man just won’t stop sticking it to me.  I also bought and still own his abdonminal workout videos (on VCR remember those things???).  I made it through 2 of about 5 videos and they actually are fine after you get the hang of it.  However, I am so clumsy and left-footed that I absolutely CANNOT follow what they are doing by just watching it on TV.

  8. David Carradine’s Tai Chi Workout – Okay so I went through a phase where I thought David Carradine (RIP) was about as cool as it gets.  So I purchased a video for Tai Chi for beginners and it was a terrible production.  I mean it is a lower quality than his movies look like now through modern eyes.  He blows out a candle by pushing air with his hands from quite a distance.  Let me say that I can only do that if someone is close to the candle blowing while I push the air.

  9. TotalGym – Chuck Norris.  Here is another space hog but one machine that I actually enjoy doing while watching TV.  Does it work?  Not really, but it makes me feel like less of a blob than I would if I were just sitting on the couch with my hand in a bad of pretzels.  I do not believe though that it works enough muscle groups to actually be a “total” gym.  I mean it completely lacks serious cardio work.

  10. Billy Blanks Tai Bo – Okay rewind to my comment about not being able to follow David Carradine’s relatively slow movements.  Forget about me even trying to keep up with Billy Blanks and Tai Bo.  The only Tai Bo classes that worked for me were in the gym where someone could yell at me for being an idiot and doing the movements wrong.

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